it's always about the money.
does she ever think another except MONEY?? her kids for example.
My mom seems don't care of what goes on in the house.
She comes and goes like a ghost and makes the house as her nest.
not as the place where, I believe, people consider as the haven.
it's all about the money. I can't stand it.
Poor dad. I love my parents, but I prefer them to be separated or...
someone's gonna suffer the whole life.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
August 7th, 2009.
Nevertheless, I do so many bad things that hurt my God badly as well; I try to ask His forgiveness. Not only for me, but also for my family. There are many things that I don’t tell people about me and there is a thing that I keep inside me and bury it deep in my worse happy memory.
I hope God will forgive me and my family for all the things we do so that we could live this life lively and cheerfully.
Nevertheless, I do so many bad things that hurt my God badly as well; I try to ask His forgiveness. Not only for me, but also for my family. There are many things that I don’t tell people about me and there is a thing that I keep inside me and bury it deep in my worse happy memory.
I hope God will forgive me and my family for all the things we do so that we could live this life lively and cheerfully.
August 1st, 2009
I am down and all my soul so weary…
Then troubles come and my heart couldn’t beat
And I am still awaiting here in silence…
This song keeps rolling in the head of mine. Filling my soul with such brightness, explaining that life isn’t that hard. I read some stories from ‘Chicken Soup for Parents Soul’ just before I typed these words, I found that it’s not only my family who is suffering to get through this endless darkness of family life but also other families, other people.
They also are suffering from such unwanted situations and I never realized that. I know, but I never realized it. I’m thanking God that I still have my family here although we’re separated by our own ego.
There was a natural disaster happened to Padang, West Sumatera, yesterday and it took hundreds of people away from their families. My dad said “If we have to deal with such disaster, it’s better if we die together not separated.” Somehow I know deep inside him, he doesn’t want this family broken into pieces but he doesn’t know what to do to face the reality. We’re all hurt by each other. It’s hard anyway being in a situation where you have to choose a way to survive out of many ways.
God, I love my family. I believe there is love inside us that we don’t know how to show. In Your way we believe that we’re going to be fine and happy. Show us the way please….
I am down and all my soul so weary…
Then troubles come and my heart couldn’t beat
And I am still awaiting here in silence…
This song keeps rolling in the head of mine. Filling my soul with such brightness, explaining that life isn’t that hard. I read some stories from ‘Chicken Soup for Parents Soul’ just before I typed these words, I found that it’s not only my family who is suffering to get through this endless darkness of family life but also other families, other people.
They also are suffering from such unwanted situations and I never realized that. I know, but I never realized it. I’m thanking God that I still have my family here although we’re separated by our own ego.
There was a natural disaster happened to Padang, West Sumatera, yesterday and it took hundreds of people away from their families. My dad said “If we have to deal with such disaster, it’s better if we die together not separated.” Somehow I know deep inside him, he doesn’t want this family broken into pieces but he doesn’t know what to do to face the reality. We’re all hurt by each other. It’s hard anyway being in a situation where you have to choose a way to survive out of many ways.
God, I love my family. I believe there is love inside us that we don’t know how to show. In Your way we believe that we’re going to be fine and happy. Show us the way please….
September 2
My head is bursting so fast that I can’t recollect my self to be what I want. There are so many things that I’m thinking about now and that make me worse on every second. I am doing my duty as a Moslem, this is a fasting month and I have to be strong although my strength could be not enough for God. In fact, I keep telling Him that I’ll be a lovely person today and tomorrow and so on.
My weak body telling me to shut my mind off that I won’t hurt it anymore but I just cannot do that. It’s hard for me not to think every single thing that going on surround me. It’s impossible! My mom keep telling me that I should not think about it, think about her and my dad, think about all the things. She wants me to be like her, to be the same strong as her. On the contrary, it makes me sadder hearing the power of her voice. There are so many things I need to blow up! I need to speak up out of my mind or else I’ll be a dead person. The main problem is my family. We don’t have such happiness. Do we laugh? Yeah. But beyond it there is hatred buried deep down in the heart of each of us. We hate to be like this, to be broken yet we keep hurting each other.
My dad, he should be our guardian captain still he’s not capable enough to be one. He works hard everyday as a policeman and we proud of it. He relies his dream on us. He wants the three of us to be great people with high education. His life is broken ever since he married my mom. It was a not-expecting pregnancy that he had to be responsible of. He told us the pain he feels inside about my mom’s family deeds, bad deeds to him. We are all grown-up enough to hear the story that we are mad about. But I just cannot understand, if he doesn’t even love my mom then why they have three of us. If it was only me, it’s alright I can bear my life alone but there are my siblings! I hate that they have to bear this unfair life made by my parents. It’s just unfair. We were born to this world without knowing anything then we have to bear the result of what they do to their own life and their own family. To be honest, I am very confused about my dad’s act. It’s awkward. As long as I stay here, I’ve been analyzing my family and of course the main is my parents. My dad tries to convince us that he doesn’t play behind our back, if you know what I mean. But what I saw and hear is different. Someone always calls him every time; in the morning, at down, at noon, afternoon, night or before he sleeps. We could hear the voice of the caller if we are near while he’s receiving the call. It’s a woman! Sometime I could hear a child’s voice behind the woman and they seem so close to each other for my dad being so nice like a lover in general. I can see it from the way he talks, the tone and the words. If it’s true that he’s having an affair, I don’t know if I can forgive him or not yet he’s my father.
He also hurts my feeling every time he talks about my younger brother and sister. He’s proud of them especially my brother. Telling me his award, his marks and so on, is just hurting. I am off of my study for a year and that’s because there is no money to pay my study. Actually, it’s not that expensive but I don’t know why I’ve told him far before the date still I have to give up of it. Then here he’s telling me about my sibling’s education award. Oh God! It’s so painful. I have good marks on my study too but him never being proud as he’s being proud of my brother. I told him about it one day but there’s no expectable reaction like his reaction to my brother. I’m dying to tell him that I hate talking about education because my education is left behind only because of my parents’ silliness!
I’m jealous. My siblings got all the attention they want but I got nothing left. Everything is just about them. Everything!!! Once he said, “I’ll give you some money then go shopping with your siblings and buy them some clothes,” or “I’ll give you some money then buy some healthy foods for your sister and brother that they’ll be fatter,” or “You know, your brother got 3.61 on his GPA. That’s amazing right?” and he keeps telling me such things all the time. Why is it only them? What about me? I just can smile to them and pretend to be patient and generous that I let them to the first priority. It runs in the family anyway. I’ll be happy if my siblings are happy although my heart is bruising.
My weak body telling me to shut my mind off that I won’t hurt it anymore but I just cannot do that. It’s hard for me not to think every single thing that going on surround me. It’s impossible! My mom keep telling me that I should not think about it, think about her and my dad, think about all the things. She wants me to be like her, to be the same strong as her. On the contrary, it makes me sadder hearing the power of her voice. There are so many things I need to blow up! I need to speak up out of my mind or else I’ll be a dead person. The main problem is my family. We don’t have such happiness. Do we laugh? Yeah. But beyond it there is hatred buried deep down in the heart of each of us. We hate to be like this, to be broken yet we keep hurting each other.
My dad, he should be our guardian captain still he’s not capable enough to be one. He works hard everyday as a policeman and we proud of it. He relies his dream on us. He wants the three of us to be great people with high education. His life is broken ever since he married my mom. It was a not-expecting pregnancy that he had to be responsible of. He told us the pain he feels inside about my mom’s family deeds, bad deeds to him. We are all grown-up enough to hear the story that we are mad about. But I just cannot understand, if he doesn’t even love my mom then why they have three of us. If it was only me, it’s alright I can bear my life alone but there are my siblings! I hate that they have to bear this unfair life made by my parents. It’s just unfair. We were born to this world without knowing anything then we have to bear the result of what they do to their own life and their own family. To be honest, I am very confused about my dad’s act. It’s awkward. As long as I stay here, I’ve been analyzing my family and of course the main is my parents. My dad tries to convince us that he doesn’t play behind our back, if you know what I mean. But what I saw and hear is different. Someone always calls him every time; in the morning, at down, at noon, afternoon, night or before he sleeps. We could hear the voice of the caller if we are near while he’s receiving the call. It’s a woman! Sometime I could hear a child’s voice behind the woman and they seem so close to each other for my dad being so nice like a lover in general. I can see it from the way he talks, the tone and the words. If it’s true that he’s having an affair, I don’t know if I can forgive him or not yet he’s my father.
He also hurts my feeling every time he talks about my younger brother and sister. He’s proud of them especially my brother. Telling me his award, his marks and so on, is just hurting. I am off of my study for a year and that’s because there is no money to pay my study. Actually, it’s not that expensive but I don’t know why I’ve told him far before the date still I have to give up of it. Then here he’s telling me about my sibling’s education award. Oh God! It’s so painful. I have good marks on my study too but him never being proud as he’s being proud of my brother. I told him about it one day but there’s no expectable reaction like his reaction to my brother. I’m dying to tell him that I hate talking about education because my education is left behind only because of my parents’ silliness!
I’m jealous. My siblings got all the attention they want but I got nothing left. Everything is just about them. Everything!!! Once he said, “I’ll give you some money then go shopping with your siblings and buy them some clothes,” or “I’ll give you some money then buy some healthy foods for your sister and brother that they’ll be fatter,” or “You know, your brother got 3.61 on his GPA. That’s amazing right?” and he keeps telling me such things all the time. Why is it only them? What about me? I just can smile to them and pretend to be patient and generous that I let them to the first priority. It runs in the family anyway. I’ll be happy if my siblings are happy although my heart is bruising.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
earth is round
Today, I just gave some questions to all of my friends in my office and most of them (especially who don't know how to answer) were really confused of my qs.
Hohohohoho......
I knew it I knew it!!
This is one of my qs:
The Earth is round! 1 + 1 = 0, 8 + 6 = 3
confused? They are too.
Hmm... I'm waiting for 5 pm to go back home then go out again with some friends to celebrate their graduation. I haven't graduated. huhu....
Mooooom!! I want to be graduated too!!!
Hohohohoho......
I knew it I knew it!!
This is one of my qs:
The Earth is round! 1 + 1 = 0, 8 + 6 = 3
confused? They are too.
Hmm... I'm waiting for 5 pm to go back home then go out again with some friends to celebrate their graduation. I haven't graduated. huhu....
Mooooom!! I want to be graduated too!!!
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